A Letter from One Advocate to Another

Steve* and Allison* have been close friends of my wife, Carol* and mine for several years and are also members of our church.  They were having severe conflict in their marriage recently.  Although we didn’t know all the details at that time, their situation appeared beyond hope to Carol and me.

At the urging of another church member, Steve and Allison agreed to pursue counseling at Twelve Stones.  Steve invited me to lunch one day and asked if Carol and I would consider being their “Advocates”.  He explained how we would travel with them to Twelve Stones’ remote location, live in the house with them for 3 days, and participate in their counseling sessions.  Steve explained that afterward we’d be involved in meeting with them and holding him and Allison accountable for keeping commitments made.  I had never heard of such an approach to marital counseling, but told Steve we’d consider it.

Our initial reaction to this process was that it seemed a little “strange.”  I mean, sitting in on counseling sessions as another couple airs out their grievances??  Even if they are good friends, that seemed like an unusual idea.  Suffice it to say, Carol and I were initially hesitant to be Advocates.  But as we thought about how hard it must have been for Steve and Allison to ask this of us, and how honored we should feel that they trust us that much, our attitudes began to change.  After numerous discussions and some prayer, my wife and I reluctantly agreed to serve as Advocates for Steve and Allison.

As the four of us together made the seven-hour drive from our homes to Twelve Stones, we were admittedly a little tense.  But upon arriving, we found the facilities to be really nice, relaxing and a comfortable setting.  From the time we arrived, the staff worked diligently to make sure we had everything we needed.

As the counseling sessions began on the first morning, it was quickly apparent that we were not there for a vacation.  Our counselor wasted no time getting into God’s Word with us.  As he shared with us God’s way for examining and resolving conflicts, I was amazed to watch a change begin to occur in Steve and Allison’s attitudes toward each other.  During our 2-1/2 days of sessions, Carol and I, as well as Steve and Allison were blessed by the counselors very clear application of familiar scriptures to the marital crisis that faced our friends.  Carol and I also found all the information to be applicable to our own marriage as well.  And, because of the unique facilities, the preparation and timely interaction of the staff, and the format in which the counseling is done, our fears and anxieties about participating quickly faded.

Since leaving Twelve Stones and returning home, we have been meeting with Steve and Allison regularly for Bible study and “accountability” discussions.  Although it is still awkward at times, it’s very clear to us that God is at work in this situation.  And although it’s still unsure what the final outcome will be, we all feel a renewed hope for what was a very troubled marriage.

We recommend that, if you’re asked to be an Advocate(s), please pray about it and strongly consider it.  We are convinced that the Twelve Stones’ approach is consistent with God’s plan and that the Advocate is a critical part of that plan.  Don’t miss out on the blessing that God may have in store for you.

God bless you,

Brian* and Carol*

*Names changed to respect privacy of individuals.